My obsession with running started 7 years ago when my obsession with cheer leading seized. Starting out, was hell. I remember showing up at the dirt track at Willis Junior High School. It was the middle of October and the air was chilly, which got worse throughout the season. The two years I spent on the WJHS cross country team were the hardest years ever and I knew I could never continue running, I wasn't a runner.
I continued to run in high school. I honestly can't say why, but I did. Those were the years that defined my love and affection for running. Freshman year, I learned what it really took to be a runner. When I look back at my time from my first race I cringe, but looking at the races to follow, I smile. Sophomore year and junior year were my years to prove to myself that I was going to go places with running, that this was the one thing that i excelled in. But senior year I hit the wall, a term runners use when they can't go any faster or any further and there run kind of stalls. For me, hitting the wall was like someone stabbing me. Running never let me down, what was happening. I spent my season pushing through pain and passion to be what I knew I could be, better. Eventually I learned to stop pushing, the pain stopped making me stronger and ended up killing me internally and caused stress fractures.
Since then, running has been leaving my heart. I'm in college at a beautiful campus built for all the things nature has for us. I should be running my heart out, so why am I stepping back?
Thats one thing I can't answer. I'm starting to realize how much i relied on running though. How it kept me in shape. I look in the mirror lately and I look away, ashamed and disgusted. I look at the way my clothes cling to curves I've never had before, I look at the way my butt seems bigger. I look at all these things and walk away hanging my head and telling myself to step my game up. My biggest fear is being fat, obese, but my biggest fear is going to creep up if i don't step up my game first.
Running has never let me down, and I love it more than anything. I need to stop running away from running. It has no intentional harm and only wants to keep me with a good figure and endurance and for that I love it. I could never and will never give up on running. I just need to find the motivation I had.
This post isn't to reflect on my life, its to motivate you to do what you love. If what you love is something that you can improve on, then always push to improve. Nothing is impassable with the correct mindset. Keep happy, keep motivated, and get out there and you do what the heart wants.
